If I were paralyzed by some freak accident, I would scream, I would cry, but then I would rest. Because, in that state of helplessness, I would fall on the one who heals the sick and raises the dead. I would think myself blessed to be alive and blessed that any sins I commit would be confined to sins of mouth and mind. What better way to become more righteous than to lose control of hands, feet, and independence?
I know it sounds a bit dark and sad to think that way, but I would be blessed to think myself paralyzed, just as I would be blessed to think myself dead to sin and alive to Christ. Instead of having the luxury to think of sin and ways to satisfy it, I would choose to think upon Jesus and Him alone, because He would be my only Light, Strength, and Hope. I would be powerless to offend myself with my hands and feet, and my eyes would only see what my Abba allowed me to see. In the end, there would be nothing left, no alternative, but to trust my God and King, or wish for death to swiftly take me.
Do not get me wrong, I do not wish to actually be paralyzed, but I want to be grateful and trusting wholly and completely on Christ as though I were. Without Christ, I would be powerless to defend myself. I could do nothing but sin, because that is the curse, where sin multiplies and draws in the weak and foolish in heart. Without Christ, I am weak and foolish, but with Him in my life, the curse of sin has been broken, and I am allowed to live again. No longer do I fear death, and neither do I wish for it, but I trust my life to the King, knowing He can use me on this earth and joy will only increase when He calls me home. In other words, I do live like I am paralyzed to sin and alive to righteousness, but there are too many times when I allow myself to give in.
Why do I return to sin again and again?
For one, I think myself strong, so I can live however I want. But I know pride is only a mark of weakness that leads to shame and a kingdom broken into pieces.
Secondly, I fall because it is easy. It is easy to do what pleases me, with little regard to anyone else’s needs.
But when I fall into pride or give into the lust of my flesh or the lust of my eyes, I submit myself to be the slave of lies. I was not redeemed in order that I may eat pig slop whenever I want, I was saved in order that I may sit and eat at the King’s table as His daughter, His beloved.
In His presence, I was meant to dwell, with each breath gratefully received from Emmanuel. Looking into my Savior’s face, all I want is to lose control of this flesh, give into grace, give up my independence, and allow Jesus to use me, bless me, and take me wherever He wills.
I have an awesome Father Who dwells in Heaven and in the hearts of His children. Jesus cries for His Church daily, desiring for her growth and sanctification. Sometimes, He allows her to be tested in order to be conformed to Himself, as He was tested far more than any mortal man. These tests and trials are nothing compared to the joy that lies ahead, to which truth Jesus Himself can attest. He allowed for His arms and legs to be made useless, though He had done nothing to deserve it. He allowed for His mind to be pierced, when He had never committed one evil thought. He was blindfolded and struck, and asked to prophecy who hit Him, when He knew the very depths of the hearts that beat Him. He was whipped and defamed, though He had only come to heal and bring the dead to life again.
My Savior suffered such things for me and all the lost, because He loves His Father, me, and every broken heart. He considered the pain and anguish He suffered worth the price for those He loves, knowing that some would call upon His name, seek, and find God above, and some would not; yet here I stand with working hands and working legs that wander. But thanks be to God that I am not lost as I once was; He draws me back from sin and lust.
Dear Jesus, daily remind me who I am in You; that I have been bought with a price; that I have been made new. By Your grace, You raise me from death unto life and You took away the blindfold from my eyes. I am so grateful to You, the one drawing in the sand; that You would reach down and write upon this dirt how You love me and You want to heal my hurts. So, Jesus, take these hands, feet, mind, and soul; take them, purify them, and use them for Your Kingdom work. Without You, I would either be dead already or in chains that define me; but You have redeemed me from the sins of my past, present, and future, and You have purchased for Yourself, me; in Your sight, a precious treasure. Thank You for loving one such as me. May I be like You, seeking Your glory and grace, boldly proclaiming the Good News of repentance and salvation, and trusting that my King will raise me from death unto life with Him. When I lay upon my bed and when I rise, may I remember how You have called me, You are faithful, and You always provide. Amen and Amen.