Forgotten Pages

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I was flipping through one of my journals and found two empty pages. Somehow, they were forgotten. I had written page numbers on them, but I wrote the same page numbers on the next two pages. So, as my life continued on the following pages, those ones were left blank, abandoned. Of course, I had to write on them, because, how could I pass that up? It’s like time travel, where it’s Thanksgiving one day and the summer solstice the next. It sounds like fun and games, but the empty pages really made me consider my heart and God’s hand in my life.

Do you ever feel life your life is the page that God forgot? He wrote a number on your life, and a name, but He apparently forgot to fill in the blank spaces?

Sometimes, that is how I feel; like God forgot to give me something or to do something in my life or through my life. But that feeling is a lie.

My God has not abandoned me or left me to fend for myself; He walks with me daily. As for me, I forget a lot of things; unfortunately, a lot of things Jesus has taught me.

As I skimmed through the earlier pages in my journal, I was reminded of God’s timely faithfulness. He loves me through His Word, His people, and even His beautiful creation. There is no way He could forget about me. I am part of His body, the Church. He knows when I sleep and when I rise. He knows the truth behind every tear I shed and every smile I give. He knows me better than I know myself and He is writing on my heart.

My life is not a blank page that I am forced to fill. There are millions of Words that weave my very bones and sinews together. Each Word comes with a signature, I AM.

Before I took a breath or thought to write a word, He was. Before I called out to Him and bowed at His feet, He loved. Never once did I do anything to deserve His love. And my gratitude falls painfully short of the praise He deserves.

Dear Jesus, I am Yours; that is all I know for certain. Impatience has defeated me more than once. Fear had left me trembling in the dark, but You have always been there. I cannot speak or write words so eloquent as to convince this world of how awesome and good You are. Yet, for all my inadequacy, I have not stopped trying. It breaks my heart to see brothers and sisters deny their Father, and turn their backs to family. But I know the pain is worse for You.

I just want to write what You would have me to write. I want to touch the hearts of the lost with Your truth. Only Your Holy Spirit can draw them to You; I leave it in Your hands. May I write for Your glory and trust You with the outcome of those words on a page. You are writing my story, and I’m trying my best to copy down what You say. Please give me discernment and wisdom, that I would convey Your truth with clarity and proper context. I want the world to know You as I know You; and even better than I know You. I want the world to love You as You love the world. Mankind is lost without a King. Please reign in me, give me a heart that is faithful and obedient, and give me courage to watch, pray, and wait. Amen.

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