This is just a heads up: this post was written to process what I have been “feeling” lately… You have been warned.
Some people; it looks like they have it all together; they have it all figured out. Surely, there is nothing more that they could possibly hope or wait for; they have it made in the shade.
From what I can see, my life seems to be three steps behind the rest; those, some people.
I confess that my heart, in its deepest and darkest state, is jealous, restless, impatient, discontent, and lonely. All of those emotions put together can have a crippling effect. Thankfully, I am able to pull myself together most of the time, because God has filled most of my time with productive and fruitful things to do.
And while I wait for who-knows-what, God has also been slowly impressing upon me not to trust what my eyes can see. These eyes would believe the biggest lies, but my soul is steadfast, because Jesus Christ abides in me. So, it becomes, then, a battle of the soul against the eyes and the feels…
I don’t want to sound like a grumbler, so let me explain a few things:
I am truly grateful for the life I have been given.
God has provided for my every need, and then some.
My job is great; I am being mentally challenged and encouraged to grow and learn more. I have also been given great ministry opportunities that are not solely confined to words on a page. I get to see most of my family about once a week and I hang out with friends and/or family almost every weekend.
The only “dilemmas” I face are choices with how best to use my time each night, with almost every option being a good one; whether cleaning my house, shopping, working out, spending time with family, or spending time with friends.
In my busyness, I feel safe, like there is a purpose to my life, but when I stop, I suddenly become afraid. Questions run through my head: What if I am not doing enough? What could I possibly do to ensure that I will not be single for the rest of my life? Am I truly following God’s plan for my life, or just the plan that appears most convenient?
I tend to ask a lot of questions (too many to list here, and many that are more personal and eternally based), but I don’t ask myself these questions. I know that I have no answers at all; you will never find the answers to life’s problems in words pouring from my unfiltered brain. But one thing I do; I cry out to Jesus.
As I grow older, I have been granted opportunities to see how weak I am: I am impatient, but I don’t know what I am waiting for; I am discontent with this wondrous life for no reason other than my current relationship status (#single); and I am restless, because the world keeps telling me that great is not good enough. I confess all of these worries, weaknesses, and fears (and more) to my Heavenly Father. And His answer? It is almost always the same: wait, trust, obey, and rest in Me.
My Abba’s answer is a comfort in the moment of prayer, but it is a lifesaver that slips out of my hands when I wade through life.
Just like Peter, I find myself trusting my eyes and the scary things I see, rather than my Savior with open arms in front of me. When I close my eyes and pray, I am brought to the place where God is; I am brought back to the reality of grace. A place not built with human hands, that can never be torn apart by human hands, whether mine or another’s.
God’s plans are not revealed to the restless, and they are not revealed to the patient; they are for Him to know and for us to find out after the fact. The point is that I have no need to be afraid of what God has planned; all I need do is wait, trust, obey, and rest in Jesus.
It is not my burden to think of what might be, what will be, or what might have been; it is my blessing to honor God and serve Him in the waiting. And what do I wait for? I wait for a King, enthroned on high, coming back to claim is refined bride.
My greatest desire is to have an attitude of prayer, so that when Jesus comes to bring me home, I will be able to say; “I watched for Your coming, I waited patiently, and I rejoice to see You now.”
What’s best for me is not the best the world has to offer, but the best that Jesus already offered; His life and love. Freely, I accepted His gift, and freely, I give my life back to the Giver.
From reading God’s Word, I get the distinct feeling that no one on this planet has “it all together.”
No matter how beautiful, strong, successful, or victorious some people appear, they have absolutely nothing until they have Jesus as their Lord and Savior. And even knowing Christ as Lord and Savior does not guarantee that all sorrows are passed, but it does guarantee that sorrows are not in vain.
I have heard the saying, “We live on borrowed time.” But perhaps that statement should be amended to say; “We live on stolen time.”
Until we recognize the Giver of time, the Giver of life, as Lord and Savior, then we are doing nothing less than stealing the gift of life.
One day, every thief will be tried, and only those thieves who cried out to Jesus during their short stay on earth will be granted an eternal home in Heaven.
I once was a thief, but now I am a recipient. I am eternally grateful for the gift of life, and I don’t intend to waste it. So, I daily pray for God to enter into the weakest parts of me, to build me up in faith through His Word and the echo of His Holy Spirit.
I don’t have it all together, and neither do you, but the One Who knit the very fabric of life still holds everything in His hands. I may feel lost and lonely, but my feelings don’t tell the truth; I am found in my Savior and I am more deeply loved than I can begin to fathom.
My questions will persist, and so will the faithfulness of my Savior. His answers will always have the same root, so I will hold fast to that root, the Holy Bible, and I will keep praying.
I cannot answer life’s deepest questions, but I am not the Giver of life. My God, again and again, has revealed His truth, love, and faithfulness to me through His Word and through His Holy Spirit. I don’t have the answers, but I know the One Who does. Jesus Christ alone brings peace to the troubled in spirit, and He alone has the power to say to a thief on a cross; “Today, you will be with me in paradise.” (Luke 23:43)
So, will you be a thief who finds forgiveness and purpose at the foot of the cross? Or will you be a thief that dies in his sin?
It’s up to you.
This world will unravel someday, along with its worries, fears, and doubts, but I have decided to follow Jesus. No turning back. No turning back.
Proverbs 13: 7 and 25
One pretends to be rich, yet has nothing; another pretends to be poor, yet has great wealth… The righteous has enough to satisfy his appetite, but the belly of the wicked suffers want.