Jesus, Carry This Heavy Heart

heavyheart

It is with the anguish of a heavy heart that I seek Thee, Lord Jesus; that I might understand Your ways and have the courage and wisdom to walk in them.

There have been times in my life when I have chosen sin over You; estimating my value and the value of others to be nothing. But I realize that the worth which You have stamped upon every soul cannot be perceived or comprehended by the finite mind. You poured out Your blood to seal the repentant soul unto Yourself; Your blood which was and is eternal, which first breathed life into man.

The life You breathe into me, I have treated so cheaply; taking so much for granted. Nothing I have been given is an inherent right, it is simply Your will to bless me with life and abundantly more than I could ask for or think. Life is a privilege, love is a privilege. I cannot earn life or love, but I can choose to live and love with gratitude. And even if I lose everything I own, I can still choose to live and love with gratitude.

Jesus, You deserve to have all of me, not just what I feel comfortable letting You have. Every good thing I possess comes from You. You are good, and everything I surrender to You, You multiply; but everything I keep to myself, dies. Your gifts are eternal, while what the world offers is temporal and too swiftly passing.

When I look at those who have never known You and never experienced Your love and sovereignty, I see hopelessness, grasping at straws, and a rebellious spirit. And though I know You as my Lord and Savior, I, too, have given in to hopelessness, grasped at straws, and been rebellious toward You. Please forgive me when that spirit of the world comes upon me, and protect me from giving in.

Make me an example of humility.

If people would only humble themselves before You, this world would be forever changed. I know that life here will never be perfect, and perfect peace can only come from You, so I pray, at the least, for revival in my heart, for revival in Your Church, and for more lost souls to come to the knowledge of the truth before it’s too late. You suffered the price for our sin, but you want to protect me and all Your creation from the earthly cost of sin as well. I have suffered pain for my sin, and so have many of my brothers and sisters, but do not let that pain and sin have dominion over us. Help us to submit to Your will once more; to allow You to purify and refine us; to allow You to heal us.

As I write this, the song, Lord, I Need You, is playing through the speakers on my computer… Oh, God, how I need You; how this world needs You! I pray that knees would bend before the end, and that souls would find rest, healing, and strength under the shadow of Your wings. Amen.

Lord, I come, I confess;
Bowing here, I find my rest.
Without You, I fall apart.
You’re the One that guides my heart.

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You!
Every hour I need You!
My one defense, my righteousness;
Oh God, how I need You!

Where sin runs deep, Your grace is more.
Where grace is found, is where You are;
And where You are, Lord, I am free.
Holiness is Christ in me.

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You!
Every hour I need You!
My one defense, my righteousness;
Oh God, how I need You!

Teach my song to rise to You
When temptation comes my way.
And when I cannot stand I’ll fall on You;
Jesus, You’re my hope and stay.

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You!
Every hour I need You!
My one defense, my righteousness;
Oh God, how I need You!

You’re my one defense, my righteousness;
Oh God, how I need You.
My one defense, my righteousness;
Oh God, how I need You.

(Lord, I Need You by Matt Maher)

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