What would it be like if I had everything figured out; if I didn’t have these conflicts between my heart and my mind, and my spirit and my flesh; if I suddenly knew exactly what God wanted me to do and had the courage and the will to actually do it?
If I had everything figured out, and there were no more answers needed, then why would I seek to know God more?
If my worries and fears were all gone, my heart would be more likely to cling to treasures of this earth rather than to the God Who casts out fears and carries burdens. Like the rich man, I would trust more in my comfort than the God of all comforts. But when I know that I have no control, that I cannot save myself, and that every good thing comes from God, then my heart is far more likely to trust in Jesus no matter the storm. Riches, comfort, and excelling in life are all great, but none of those things can serve as a replacement for God.
Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much: but to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little. Luke 7:47b
I love Jesus, because He loved me first.
I love Him most, because He loved me in spite of who I was and what I have done.
I know where I came from and I know who I was, but shame does not control me. My Savior has covered me and washed me clean, and His grace holds me in wonder, worship, and love. I receive this grace, because I know that I am an imperfect, broken, needy human being, and only Jesus can perfect me, heal me, and ultimately satisfy me. Having life figured out and having everything I could ever want will never bring more joy or contentment to my life; this, I have learned. To know peace, rest, joy, and love, is to know God and passionately pursue His glory and not my own. And He said unto me, “My grace is sufficient for you: for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. (2 Corinthians 12:9)
When I look in the mirror, I may not always like what I see, but when I look into the Word and cry out to the Lord in prayer, I can see that God is still working on this masterpiece. I do not have it all together and I never will, but God is more glorified through my imperfections than through my perfections. He does not command me to be perfect in every way, nor does He expect me to be, but He sanctifies me day by day. There may be times when I feel like I am in helpless ignorance, but my Abba has shown me that this state of being is really delayed wisdom.
God reveals all truth in His time, and one day I will know even as also I am known. This is the hope I cling to, when the veil will finally be fully removed and I will see my Savior face to face.
I have unknowingly built so many illusions of God in my mind. So many times, I have expected God’s will to be one way, but He shattered my illusions quickly. Like Jonah, the storms of my life have turned me around on my heels, but Jesus always comes running after me. Though I was shaken to my core by some of the waves that have crashed over me, yet Jesus met me in the midst of every storm, and He often showed me why the storm came, and when the storm finally passed, He would show me how He caused it to pass. Sometimes, I never learn the reason for the storm or the reason for the calm, yet Jesus is always teaching, and I can learn a lesson from everything as long as I am willing to learn.
Though I can look back and see how God has faithfully provided, yet there are still so many illusions I cling to; like the illusion that I have a better plan than God or that He can’t handle certain parts of my life.
The day to day is just really hard sometimes; not knowing what will come and just hoping for change, but fearing that change will come too late and not in the way I would have wished. But God always crashes through my times of self-pity. In my prayer times the past few weeks, I have talked through my doubts and fears with Jesus; laying them at His feet and professing my trust in Him. But I always had to close with, “I believe, please help me in my unbelief.” Not knowing the answers and stumbling again and again can be pretty discouraging and disheartening, yet waiting on the Lord is a blessing in itself. There is an eternal value that lies in not knowing, yet trusting that God knows.
Jesus, I need You now. Come into my every confusion, doubt, and daydream. Fill me with Your strength, calm, and wisdom. I have so many questions and so few answers, and I realize that I have no control of this life. But I know that You are gracious and that You provide, even if You only provide the will to endure through the wilderness. This is a long trek, but help me never to grow weary and to remember that the Promised Land is not going anywhere. There is more to this life than the mundane struggles that I face daily; there is a battle for eternity going on in every living soul. And I pray that You would use me to tip the balances in a soul toward You. Amen.
God found me in my sin; I was covered and polluted in my own blood. I had sold myself for nothing, having forgotten the gifts I was given.
When I was there, broken and bleeding, Jesus looked upon me, washed me clean, and called me His. He anointed me with a holy calling and clothed me with His comeliness. As though that was not enough, He blessed me with every spiritual blessing and spiritual gift. He gave me Living Water, the Bread of Life, the Holy Spirit… So, when God looks at me, I know He sees Jesus. These fine clothes are not mine and I could not have worn them by any power of my own; I am adorned by the love of my Savior. These clothes and ornaments do not mask my sin, they show how my sin is dead – buried by my Savior; leaving behind only beauty in its wake. (Ezekiel 16)
What does God see when He looks at me? Beauty, obedience, righteousness, holiness, perfection… because Jesus has washed me and clothed me. I am my Beloved’s and my Beloved is mine. Yes, it is hard to believe, but my Savior does not lie; those redeemed by the King are made holy, sanctified, and righteous (Hebrews 10). So, it is my passion to live according to my Abba’s calling. And though I stumble, my Savior lifts my humble face, draws me from my knees, and restores me.
Jesus is so good to me. Amen.
I don’t need all the answers.
I don’t need all the stuff.
I need Jesus.
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