No one in the world has been created specifically for you.
Before you get all offended or melt into a puddle of despair, read on.
When God, the Master Potter, forms children in the womb, He does not add certain characteristics simply because they mesh well with another man or woman. Instead, the key ingredient, the key characteristic that He builds into every human being, is that they fit perfectly with Him, their Creator. Every human is born with a void that only Jesus can fill. Of course, God gave His creation a choice to fill that void with Him or to try in vain to fill that void with something or someone else. But the One Who breathes life into every soul is the only One Who can fill the void of the soul perfectly and completely.
No human being can complete you in body, mind, and soul; only God can. That does not make God your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife; that makes Him your best friend, loving Father, and Awesome Creator.
Too many people believe there is one person God has made just for them, and they preach that message religiously; trying to give hope to the lonely. But true hope is not found in the arms of another human being, but in the arms of Jesus Christ.
The only instance in the Bible where one person was made for another was when Eve was made for Adam. God saw that it was not good for man to be alone, so He made woman. But in order to make Eve, God took a rib from Adam, something that was close to him, a part of him. Today, marriage does not require a man to take out his rib, but there is still an underlying lesson to be learned; to be married, and to stay married, one must be willing to give up self. A good marriage is not so much a fairy tale as it is a beautiful sacrifice; where two imperfect people learn to lay down their pride and selfishness on behalf of their spouse. That is one reason why marriage is such a beautiful picture of the relationship between Christ and the Church, because sacrifice must be made for the good of the other. And here is the truth; no two people are perfect for each other, a born match, but they learn to love as Christ loves. That learning process is rewarding, but no an easy task. And though marriage is rewarding, is not the ultimate goal of life or the Gospel.
In 1 Corinthians 6:13, God says; Food is for the belly, and the belly is for food: but God will destroy both it and them. Now the body is not for sexual immorality, but for the Lord; and the Lord for the body. I do not quote that verse to cast a shadow over marriage, because marriage, as it is defined in the Bible, is not a sin. And eating, as long as it is not in excess or in worship of anyone else other than Jesus Christ, is not a sin. Instead, I quote that verse because of the message at the end: the body is for the Lord and the Lord is for the body.
In other words, God made us, loves us, and it is for His glory we have been made. (Psalm 100:3, Isaiah 43:7)
So, married or not, hungry or full, our first duty of worship and honor is to the Lord. We have been created by Him and for Him.
The glory of Jesus is the ultimate goal of life and He is the Gospel, the Good News, because He lives, He loves, and He’s coming back for His children.
God made all of humankind, and He stooped so low as to die for us, because He loves us. He did not make us and save us, so that we can love anyone and anything, but so that we can have His righteousness, love as He loves, and be with Him for eternity. That may mean that marriage (romantic love) enters into the picture, but marriage is not a guarantee for anyone, nor is it always the perfect will of God for two people to get married. That does not mean that those two people can get a divorce after not following the will of God and getting married. The ideal would be that both parties would give their lives over to Christ and love each other as Christ loves them, but I have heard of too many marriages where one party or the other refused Christ and refused to live faithfully or gently, in which case, divorce was the only option.
The apostle Paul told the Corinthians that pursuits and affections change when a person gets married, which is to be expected, but from that passage, it almost seems like a spiritual step down to get married. (1 Corinthians 7:32-34) It is true that responsibilities come with marriage, as well as distractions from what is most holy, but the ideal, as we saw in 1 Corinthians 6, is to be completely surrendered to the Lord, whether married or not.
“My purity is not for me. My wedding is not for me. Marriage (if it happens for me) will not be for me. All these things are for the Lord and for His glory, not for me so that my life turns out ‘fairly.’” (Calley Sivils)
Much of the world, and even the church, tells you that you need to get married and that you will be content once you find “the one,” but if you are not content in Christ now, then there is no person and no amount of riches that can satisfy you.
Life is more than finding a husband or wife, and far more than satisfying selfish desires; it is about discovering Who God is and Who He made you to be. The emphasis of life should not be to find a marriage partner, but to know Christ more. He did not make you for the sake of another, He made you for Himself. God loves you and He knows that you are complete only in Him. The pursuit of God, and worship of His name, should never diminish, no matter one’s relationship status. And a relationship status should not make us forget the reason why we were made and the One Who made us.
If God blesses you with singleness, then praise Him through your singleness. If He blesses you with marriage, then praise Him through your marriage.
Whether you are married or single, your life is God’s and all for His glory.
Perhaps one reason why so many marriages end in divorce today is because too many people hold to the philosophy that one person has been made for them. The mentality of a God-created match only serves to create great expectations that are too easily dashed to pieces. Expectations are set so high, and the burden to change and meet expectations is placed upon someone else instead of upon self. Marriage is a narrow road, where both spouses must be willing to sacrifice in order to encourage and build up the other; they cannot believe that their spouse was made for them, because then they may think the work is already done. Human beings never stop growing and learning, and that is especially true of followers of Christ. No relationship is perfect, even when both parties profess to love each other, but Jesus takes imperfect people and perfects them in His time; creating a love that is stronger and more refined day by day.
As the body of Christ, we are called to love one another. But we don’t love each other because we perfectly complement each other or because God made us where we naturally get along; we love because Christ loved us. We love, because Christ is working within us and through us. That is the wonder of it all; that Jesus would love those who were unlovable and teach them to love as He loves.
If you desire to live for God, even as He lives for you and made you for Himself, then you should choose love even when you don’t feel like it. Divorce should not be an option, especially for a couple who both proclaim to love and follow Jesus Christ. If you are married, there is not someone else out there who has been made perfectly for you; God is perfecting you and your spouse even now. You are called to grow in love for them and to love them as Christ loves the Church and as the Church loves Christ, and you are especially called to grow in love for your Savior. If you are not married today, then there may be someone out there God has intended for you to marry, but whether or not that is true, you are called to grow in love for Jesus.
“Marriage is a gift. A gift isn’t earned or bargained for, and neither is a spouse. Pursuing maturity in Christ should be a consistent theme in any believer’s life, but never as currency to spend on something else. We pursue Christ not to ‘earn’ a spouse, but in order to know Christ (Philippians 3:10). The gift isn’t given because the gift-receiver is fit enough, or tall enough, or smart enough. It is freely given because the gift-Giver is good. You cannot ‘earn’ your way or ‘behave’ your way to a spouse. God must give him or her to you in His own way, and at His time.” (Calley Sivils)
If you feel cursed by your singleness, I cannot comfort you by saying someone has been made for you, but I can tell you that Jesus loves you and He is working in you. You were made for Him and for so much more than what the world expects of you. Don’t let the critics make you loathe your singleness. The truth is, God has placed you right where you are for a purpose, and it should be your passion to discover what that purpose is and to glorify the One Who made you.
If you feel cursed by your marriage, I cannot comfort you by saying that divorce will make things better or that there is another person out there that has been made for you. All I can say is that Jesus loves you, even though you are super unlovable a lot of the time. Though you are selfish, sinful, and so caught up in your own head, Jesus still loves you and is drawing you to Himself. May His work be completed in you, so that you embrace your purpose and glorify His name through your marriage.
Life is a gift, whether you are married or single. So, go out and make the most of your gift by praising the One Who made you and discovering His purpose for your life. You don’t need a spouse by your side to start this journey and you don’t need to divorce your spouse to start this journey. All you have to do is go, pray, and preach the Gospel to any person.
Live. Love. Be who God made you to be.
With much love and prayers,
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