I apologize for taking so long to write… Though my mind has been racing the past few weeks, I haven’t found the time to sit and write down what has been going through my mind. Even as I write this, I’m on lunch break at work, trying to squeeze productivity into every ounce of time.
Lately, I feel like I’m being pulled in every direction, and a small piece of that feeling can be seen in my last post.
When I wrote that, I was in the throes of being stretched beyond my limits.
It was Monday, and Mondays always seem to be rough, but I got home late from Atlanta the night before, and I had to finish half of payroll on Monday before 3pm. And after work, I was scheduled to lead worship and help with snacks for my church’s VBS.
By the grace of God, I managed to meet my commitments for that day, but my mental and physical exhaustion were definitely starting to bleed into my spirit.
I had this moment where I told God that I’m not sure if I can do it; lead worship when I feel so drained or fulfill my responsibilities at work when I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing.
When I came home from work and saw a once beautiful bush next to my garage stripped down to ugly branches, I immediately started crying. I managed to stumble into my house and make it to my couch, but once I got there, I curled up into a fetal position and just cried; unable to see a purpose in the mess of life.
But into that moment, God poured His grace, granting me the vision to see how He works through the tests and trials to make us stronger. He met me in that space, pulled me to an upright, normal sitting position, and led me to write, Bare Branches.
I’ll admit that, for the rest of the week, I couldn’t bare to look at the bush in my yard. If I did, angry and sad tears would try to force their way to my eyes. But, over time, God has been reminding me that a bush is just a bush, and I am not like any bush. There may actually be no hope for the bush next to my garage to return to its former glory, but there is always hope for me to rise out of the ashes, stronger than ever before.
God is not finished with me yet, His work is not yet complete, and it won’t be until I see Him face to face. But just because I will not be complete here on earth doesn’t mean that I give up hope.
My Abba can bring fruit from any situation, because He is the Creator of all mankind. He loves to see His people grow in Him, and though pain from sin is terrible, God can still use that pain for our eternal growth. Nothing is wasted in God’s sight. And only through the wisdom and perseverance granted by His Holy Spirit can we do any good or fruitful thing here on earth.
I realize there are a lot of people out there who don’t know Jesus, yet find success and their own little piece of happiness. But I don’t want to strive for success and happiness in this life. I don’t want to work for the stuff that can be so easily stripped away. Disease, injury, and death cannot be escaped by any man or woman, no matter the state of their bank account or mind.
I want to strive for Jesus, to live for Him, no matter the mental, physical, or monetary cost.
I want my life to be filled with His joy and eternal purpose.
I’m doing the best I can, but my best is not good enough, so everyday, I choose to give my best to Jesus, and let Him turn my mess into whatever He wants. God could allow my life to be crazy and messy forever, but as long as I live for Him, my life will be beautiful.
God makes everything beautiful in His time, and even when I can’t find the time to write, or even get beauty rest, I know that God is still making me beautiful.
So, that’s what’s going on in my life right now. If you want to share what God has been teaching you or the struggles you have been going through, feel free to write on here or message. I will try to pray for, and with, you, even as I hope you will be praying for me. We all go through struggles, but Jesus is our only refuge, and His children, our brothers and sisters in the faith, are bonus gifts. Amen!